Unconventional and REAL

Have you ever had plans and called it off due to the rain? Does the elements of life indicate your plans? Do you find yourself mentally rushing from one life event to the next? Are you experiencing life or checking off the to do list? Experiencing life meaning in touch with what’s going on around you, feeling and breathing in the moment. Are you enjoying the space that you possess? Checking off the success list meaning you are lacking enjoyment from events and/or responsibilities, you’re just showing up. Are responsibilities supposed to mentally drain you? If so, how may that be controlled?

Think about it, maybe you are dissatisfied with grocery shopping, which serves as a priority because you have to feed yourself and your family. Instead of viewing it as a task, shift your mindset and view it as solitude, enjoy the alone time down each aisle; rather than adding mental pressure knowing you loathe shopping, plan your trip with earbuds, music, audible app, for example. Responsibilities can be turned into simple enjoyment. Do not miss life’s moments. Live in every moment to the best of your ability.

Rain, sleet or snow, does not halt the show. Life is worth experiencing. Life is designed to create memories. Slow down. Inhale. Exhale. Write out a success list. Accept the invitation. Study for the exam. Attend the conferences. Go to the children’s play dates. Dance in the rain. Live an unforgettable moment. Besides, isn’t that why you fulfill your obligations? So much love to you all.

It sounds callus would you say, “Nobody Cares, Work Harder.” When was the last time you set a goal and reached the goal? When was the last time you set a goal and contemplated reaching the goal? When was the last time you encountered an obstacle while attempting to reach a goal? Did the obstacle slow you down? Did the manipulation of the obstacle make you give up? Present-day, do you see yourself stuck in the same place? Are you comfortable in this space? Do you truly want to reset and accomplish your goal? All of these questions will help self reflect on what you are serious about in terms of your life. What does it matter? Are you willing to give it all you got, no matter the circumstances?

Nobody cares, work harder. Nobody cares about the issues at hand, reach your goal. I’m sure that statement makes you cringe because you thought somebody cares. Well, let’s dissect what that truly means. Nobody indicating those in the industry, those you’re competing with no matter how you say you aren’t competing with anyone there’s always a rabbit to chase to stretch yourself to the next level in life. That happens to be a healthy thing if your mindset is positive and unreasonable. Nobody knows why you have not exceeded in the goals you have set. Nobody looks at you and says well he/she has a reason not to succeed. Life circumstances are not an excuse not to accomplish your goals. They are meant to develop your spiritual muscles. They are meant to help you bench press more. They are meant to build your endurance. I know, I know and I hear you saying, God cares. Indeed, He does. I agree that God cares that the purpose inside of you is shelved. God cares that your design has not been manifested. He is ready to bestow blessings as you unfold your gifts and abilities, He is waiting on you. When you have issues within life, which is inevitable, expect to work harder. Expect to fight and never give up. Expect challenges, mentally and physically. You will inspire so many who didn’t know nobody cares and neglects working harder. You can murmur repeatedly how life is unfair, but does that reach goals, does that break generational curses, does that set captives free from mental bondage, does that heal the land, does that motivate the somebody who seeks to work harder and win in life and love?

My mom reminds me often, Faith don’t make it easy, faith makes it possible. The late civil rights activist Frederick Douglass said, “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” When I reflect over my accomplishments, I have always had a struggle prior to reaping the benefit. The struggle inflicted frustration, anxiety, a few tears, but never have I thought about giving up, honestly. Why am I built this way? I know without a shadow of a doubt whose I am. I have known that for quite sometime. I am peculiar. I am purposed. I understand my design. I understand what I have to do and why I have to do it? I reflect on the questions that Stacey Abrams proposes in Minority Leader, 1. What do you want? 2. Why do you want it? 3. How are you going to get it? In terms of specific desires, I ask myself these questions and they serve as accountability, in addition to my focus to be my daughters’ example in many aspects of my life. Have you ever noticed those who have a back story and arrived to their destination because they worked harder, they take it personal, they have passion, they have HEART and they are relatable? The work is most meaningful and more impactful when you have to fight to get to the starting line. Will you get to the starting line or remain on the sideline?

Nobody cares, WORK HARDER. Let it hurt your feelings or let it help you fight. As Dr. Brenda Caldwell reminded the youth at my church, “You are not only special, but you’re a specialist.” Do not allow your issues of life to become your excuses for failure and your failure is not moving you forward, but it has you stuck. Reset. Refocus. Begin again. You have so much love and expertise to give. Live life on purpose in purpose.

Welcome May, the month the good Lord saw fit for me to grace my presence on Earth. As I embark upon this new year, I can honestly say that I am happy, soon to be 37 and satisfied. Who says you cannot have issues and happiness? My issues do not dictate my destination, although they may alter my mood occasionally. Thankfully, I have chosen happy and my resiliency activates in time enough to kick me back into gear.

My current state of life is hopeful and expectant of whatever the Lord has for me. Isn’t that a mighty calm place to reside! There are some things beyond my control and no matter how bad I want to win in certain areas of my life, timing has its place. Because I understand divine appointment, I am operating where I am supposed to until I am released to do so in the other spaces God has designed me to possess. I am excited about that. However, I have taken heed to what my Pastor mentioned in a sermon, “I may not be carrying my cross, but I may be reaping my crop.” Simply put, obedience begets reward, disobedience begets delay. Don’t miss it, delay, not denial. I am so glad He is merciful. Basically, the ball sometimes lies in your court. God is awaiting the moment to release the blessing(s). It is the receiver who has to act in obedience. I totally understand that. So, I have written the vision, it is so plain and clear. I know where I am going. I am excited to arrive. God has my future patterned already. It’s up to me to do what He says, so I may experience the beauty from the completed design. He’s got His hands on me.

Healing takes time. Healing sometimes require surgery and prescriptions. Currently, I am healing, mentally and physically. I am healing from grief and unspoken circumstances and I attribute my healing to my faith and fight. My faith in the Lord has gotten me this far. The fight in my soul has gotten me this far. I have decided…Easy to do? Absolutely not. Is there a tug of war? Not as often as the past. That is totally because I want to fulfill my goals and dreams in front of the ones who mean everything to me, my daughters. I am the role model. I am the example. I am powerful. I am sure about myself. I am happy. I am hopeful. I am healing.

Welcome May. The month my beautiful mind, body and soul graced planet Earth. I honor my Heavenly Father! I salute my parents! I salute ME!

In a world where filters are approved to post to social media, in a world where you can switch your hair and transform your appearance countless times throughout the day, in a world where you can add a voice to your story, in a world where you think before you speak, you care what people say, just be who you are because everyone else is already taken. Oftentimes, women and men fear what others see and afraid how they are perceived if they are simply themselves and because of this it prevents people from executing goals and developing healthy relationships. I say, you filter out those who do not matter when you are unapologetically yourself.

Imagine switching your true self to a faux self in every room you entered. Is that fair to who you are? Is that fair to those potential relationships that you could strengthen down the road. In my opinion, I think not. I do not think it is fair to self because you have to give yourself permission to be yourself and those who matter will gravitate to you and accept your gifts for what they are. You have to operate in your gift. Share your personality and ideas with the world.

Fear not what others may think of how you say certain things due to your lack of language or experience. Move in honesty and pureness. Speak with great pride and care. Move blissfully and truthfully, I cannot encourage this enough.

Additionally, being someone other than yourself totally misleads those who could prospectively want to establish a bond. Think about it, you meet someone new, but you withhold the true you. You continue to have encounters with this individual and you continue to withhold your daring self. What type of effect does that have on your mind? What type of impact does that have on your faux friendship? Stress at best. Stressed about the lie that you’ve been conveying. Having to live in one lie to keep up with all of the lies. Fear will corrupt a lifestyle. Fear will cripple a mind. Fear will control a destiny. Do yourself a favor and do not allow fear boss you around.

Easy to say, huh? Knowing that fear makes it’s appearance frequently and unexpectedly, here are a few action steps to use boss fear:

1. Develop a plan

2. Develop a power statement

3. Identify your people for support

4. Progress not perfection, question what you have done each day towards progress

5. Don’t stop until you get it

The goal is to fear less and move in the direction of your goals. When was the last time you were afraid to fear less and pursue your greatness be it a new love, a new career, a new appearance, a new location, a new attitude? Looking back at that experience, did you allow fear to abort the new experience or did you do it afraid? What is the worst that could have happened? Are you fearful of failure? Will you allow failure to dictate your purpose? Undoubtedly, these questions are for self reflecting when fear sets in and they will also help with taking yourself seriously, standing firm on what you desire and accomplishing it until it is granted. My prescription, be fear less and be free! Always remember to walk in purpose on purpose. So much love to you all!

You are strong! You are smart! You are beautiful! You can do hard things! Each morning before my girls exit the truck to go into school I affirm them with these words. They are reminded of who they are and what they are capable of. Why is that necessary every single day? Well there is so much self sabotaging that infiltrates the brain. I figured it makes sense to be the loudest voice in their heads. I figured if I plant these seeds, relentlessly they will begin to wander, why does she say this everyday? This must be true. Let me allow myself the opportunity to attempt what is more challenging and if I fail, at least I know I can do hard things so let me reset, refocus and reattempt. As a result of what is being planted, the seeds take root and in season a beautiful bloom sprouts.

During this month that has been set aside as Women’s Suffrage Month, I recall a roll call of beautiful souls who have been or are “noisey” women in our society, meaning they are making strides in their leadership, careers, relationships, parenting, and community; Cicely Tyson, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Shirley Chisholm, Marcia Fudge, Stacey Abrams, Nina Simone, Ruth Bader-Ginsberg, Gabrielle Douglas, Simone Biles, Venus and Serena Williams, Michelle Obama, Kamala Harris, Jill Biden, Laura Bush, Martha Dennis, Gloria Powell, Jennifer Dennis, Mary Payne, Melody Clark, Yvette Hughes, Helen Pruitt, Donna Doss, Rolandria Fields, Natalie Ezell, Candy Caster, Candace Kinley, Candice Miller, Courtney Cook, Kimberly Davis, Kimberly Johnson, Jessica Reed, Dr. Rutha Carr, Dr. Gwendolyn Neal, Janell Hankerson, Earlean Lyons, Pamela Helton, Jennifer Guerra, Mary Katherine Stout, Nancy Wilson, Dr. Jessica Ruffin, Tikeila Rucker, Tamera Whitelow-Watkins, Erin Do, Angela Christian, Gina Jones, Jackqueline Adams, Monecia Caston, Mary Farmer, Harmony Harlmon, Velinda Humphreys, LaToya Hughes, Lakeicha Coleman, Tamika Chatman, Forrestine Covington, Latishia Bowden, Catina Jackson, Gloria Cage, Valerie Orr, Teairra Hunter, Bridget Crutchfield, all of the incredible women of Brown Missionary Baptist Church, all of my St. Mary’s School mommy sister girlfriends, and all of my Devastating Sisters of the best sorority, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated.

During my reflection I recognized the common thread among these ladies. The spirit of self love and compassion for others, whether exuded both qualities or either of the two, these trailblazing women are undoubtedly fierce, fabulous and the blueprint to keep in your pocket while building your life. Throughout decades, women have been overlooked in the workforce, overworked in the home, undervalued within society. Needless to say, a unified voice, perseverance and persistence has changed the trajectory of a woman’s ability to become the CEO of a company or her own company. Women, today are SHEros found maintaining a home, rearing children, loving her husband, involving herself within the ministry and the community, fighting injustices, leading in board meetings, starting businesses, and caring for herself gracefully, simultaneously.

Oftentimes, I have asked the question, “How does she do it all?” She does it all with style and grace. She does it all willingly and valiantly. She does it all with purpose in her heart and drive in her soul. Personally, I believe, if it is to be done, make sure there is a courageous sister girl on the team. She is focus. She is bold. She is driven. She is control. She is powerful. She is delicate. She is precious. She is necessary. She is grit. She is grace. She is faith. She is taking care of herself all while doing so. So much love to all of the Women in the world. You are strong! You are smart! You are beautiful! You can do hard things!

He used his words whether, he was aware or not to be manipulative. He coaxed unknowingly or knowingly to position her heart. She desired to date. She desired to bond. She desired attention. He used his words to persuade her to move from grounded and guarded to releasing within herself what she wanted to be there, but due to fear she withheld her emotions. She did not want to be alone in feeling a connection. Because of this she truly wanted to follow his lead. She wanted to be led by a gentleman sent prayerfully from God, whether choices were made in the process that were not of God or not, she was hopeful about the current situation, the potential friendship. He used his words to soften her heart. He probably does not have a clue how he slowly worked his way through a brawny domain in her life. She’s fought to get to this place of peace. She’s been supported to unfold this space. She’s anticipated this place to desire love. She’s been reluctant about this space. He used what she preferred to believe was authenticity. He used what she wanted to accept as honesty about her to open her heart, only to uncover the truth. The truth that hurt her terribly. It hurt her terribly because of the hope that she has embraced and has contemplated sharing with him more of her heart, mind, soul.

How can a heart that was not given to someone be broken? A heart can be so bruised that it feels as if it is broken. The period of healing is rather swifter when it is bruised. She’s been broken and God has mended her, but in the process the healing heart has suffered a minor tear. It will not be much longer before it is repaired. Yes, repaired by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

When Jesus was in the wilderness after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was physically tested, his ability was tempted and his faith was tempted. Needless to say, He was so weak. Satan used the word to coax Jesus to sin against God. Because Jesus had the word hidden in His heart, He was able to recognize the adversary, He was able to access and rely on the word, He was able to respond with the word. It was the word that saved Him from slipping into temptation. It was the word that caught Him before he stumbled into temptation. It was the word that resided in His heart that rescued Him when the enemy lifted his head.

Do you believe that there is an enemy who comes to abort blessings? Do you believe that there is an enemy who invites misery, doubt and fear onto your path? As a believer, our obligation lies in hiding the word in our hearts so that when things that do not concern us or should not concern us comes against us, we can recognize it and stand against it. Sometimes, the heart wants what it wants. In those times, distractions intercept the truth, which may land you in an unexpected circumstance. Although, you have goals for your career, your potential relationship, be sure that in all of your acquiring, you acquire wisdom, Proverbs 4:7.

In prayer, she could hear God saying, I have given you the word and just as he used his words, you use THE WORD. I will lift up a standard so that you will not have to fall into temptation. I am your strength. Strength like no other. Use what you got, the word of God. I did not create you to fight alone. I am your shield. I am your strong tower. I am your buckler. I am your banner. I am your creator, the one who cares about your heart. Undoubtedly, I will handle it with care. There is indeed a blessing in the pressing. Do not stop believing!

Life is worth living. Life is worth risking. Life is worth experiencing. Life is worth being resilient. Life is worth sharing your journey. Life is worth overcoming. Life is worth breaking through your break downs.

There are countless blessings unspoken for because fear has crippled many people. Fear to try again. Fear to love again. Fear to live again. Fear to trust and dream again. It is all attributed to our past experiences. The decision to restrict one’s heart is understood, but it is a decision to be made whether you will remain guarded or you will 1. Do the work to get past your hurt, 2. Understand that life comes with risks that sometimes come with growing pains, 3. Know that you are worthy and enough whether it is for something or somebody.

Have you ever been in a relationship that you hoped for, that you prayed for, that you fought for and it still ended in misery, hurt, strife, just a lesson, depression, regret, loss of time? Have you ever given all of you to someone and hoped for the best and it ended for better? You must have been devastated, especially if your desire is to remain with your family. Especially if you want to grow old with this someone. Especially if you’re thinking of all of the history that’s been documented with this person. This person who you thought to give your heart, your mind and share your world with. Only to have it all shattered. Then the next someone comes along and your heart is totally guarded. This someone pours their heart out to you and the response is silent rejection, restriction because you can not release the past hurt.

I am aware that this is easier to say, but do not let that one somebody or one something rob you of the very person or thing that has come to help you recover, bounce back, live freely, love passionately and laugh until your belly aches. Do the work! Listen to your heart. Pray along the way. Understand with risk, hurt may be on the other side. Simultaneously, not taking the risk begets regrets. You will never know what’s on the other side if you do not leap. Activate your faith, talk to a trustworthy person who is connected to healthy relationships and TRUST yourself.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. There lies so much regret in saying the opposite of what you mean. Have you ever thought about what you’re going to say before you say it and when it is time to say it, you did not say anything you rehearsed to say. Why is that? Why are you punking out? You know, you really wanted to tell someone what’s on your heart and mind, but you’re too afraid of how he/she may respond. Listen, you are in control of yourself. You can’t rehearse what you are going to say and then what said person will say only to get nowhere in the process. Just say what you mean and mean what you say, listen with your heart and go from there. Imagine how much mental space you occupy when you torment yourself in the preparation process before you actually go and speak with the individual. Earlier in life, there were times when I lost sleep stressing about how to tell someone something. The greatest worry was their response, perhaps rejection, or fear of their perspective towards me will change, maybe even judgment. As India Arie sings, “Just let it go and set yourself free.” Well maybe she wasn’t talking about this type of circumstance, but these words are befitting. There should come a time in one’s life when you’re able to effectively communicate your point without hesitation. Undoubtedly, implicit communication comes with life experiences which triggers wisdom; thereby, acknowledging the significance of being honest and straight forward not abrasively, but lovingly.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to tell someone no, but couldn’t because of fear. We fear what folk think. We fear how folk will act towards us, as aforementioned, after we respond. I was talking to one of my homeboys about “The Art of saying NO PERIOD,” meaning no with a period on the end and his concern was the guilt that comes along with that. I encouraged him to say no with an explanation only if he feels convicted to do so maybe because the individual meant so much to him. Let’s be clear, the depth of the level of conviction depends on the quality of the relationship. So, yes I understand how you may toil with saying no, but I encouraged him to mean what he says and say what he means because at any point there’s doubt, you will easily succumb. Individuals will live their entire lives saying things obscurely, living in distress and for others rather than self. Don’t. Do. It.

In the year 2021, I admonish you to be open and honest. Stop holding on to thoughts and feelings. Release them in a respectful and dignified manner. There’s no reason to be mean, remember all things in love and some things may require more firmness. Guess what, that’s ok. Make room for peace and serenity. I declare effective and clear communication in 2021. Free your mind. Some things are not as serious as we make them out to be. Stop thinking so much and say what you mean and mean what you say. So much love to you all.

2020 triggered a plethora of successes and areas of opportunities for many of us. My goal is always to ensure you that you aren’t alone. The focus is on progress and not perfection. As long as you are moving forward that is what counts. There are those of us who move swiftly because it is an urgency and there are those of us who are moving slower, but perpetually. Just KEEP GOING FORWARD and measure your progress and the health of the progress. The word of God tells us that the race is not given to the swift, but the one who endures until the end. I believe that. I will say I do not want to be left behind though. Haha! I am extremely grateful for the circle of positive and goal oriented souls that I am privileged to work with, live with, do ministry with and so forth.

May 2016, I resigned from my position as a professional school counselor with Shelby County Schools and that has been the best life move ever because that career was a thief of joy for countless reasons. I have since been building a financial services organization with the best in the industry targeting financial independence within the middle income market. The need remains there, the excitement is exhilarating, educating about principles that are uncommon in the community around me is life changing for myself and other families and I am purposed and blessed to be a part of this crusade that releases those from their current financial circumstances into a world of freedom and financial peace.

2020 for many of us dealt a hand of loss, depression and stress, which is so unfortunate. Undoubtedly, the reason why our theme for New Year’s Eve church service is RESET. Know that you are not alone. I know it seems like sometimes the walls are enclosing, there’s more despair than hope, calamity all around, injustices seem unbearable and no relief in sight. My advice, plan your work, work your plan, use your resources, ask for help until you get what you need, and don’t stop praying.

Beneath are my strengths and areas of opportunities for 2020. Though there be areas of opportunities, I am thankful for a year of progress. 2021, I will work on my turn around time being swifter, my persistence and perseverance, attend more Broadway productions (once Covid permits), attend art and trunk shows (once Covid permits), study more history, work in my foundation, volunteer more with my church, live in the moment, love unapologetically and laugh until my stomach aches.

🔥Decluttered, and finished decorating my home finally

🔥Joined the greeters ministry, appointed captain of virtual greeters ministry

🔥Increased my giving for missions and tithe

🔥Saved over XXX in an investment and set up a Roth IRA

🔥My team and I helped countless families with life insurance and investments

🔥Began taking control of my eating habits and workout habits for a healthier lifestyle

🔥Started an operative foundation in memory of my husband, Mr. Cleo T. Hudson, Jr.

🔥Started a life changing blog about all things on my heart

🔥Purchased and read more books to self improve and raise my self awareness about social injustices and history

🔥Made a concrete decision that I am ready for love and preparing myself for who’s to come by self improving and enjoying being alone

🔥Failed my investment exam AGAIN (life is GOOD, BUT here’s what’s always on my mind in case you’re on the outside looking in and think my life is perfect outside of becoming a widow at 33 years old and seeing my children hurt due to the loss of dad when they were 7 and 2 years old)

🔥A lot of self reflecting, which prompts adjustments

In life comes successes and chances to refocus and reset, which will it be? You can make all of the plans in the world. The Lord’s plans prevail. He has your best interest at heart.

I can not tell you how delighted and ecstatic I am about 2021. There is so much in store. Go. Get. Your. Blessing. Live life on purpose in purpose. Cheers to 2021! Let’s go where expectations resides! The expectations that you have set for yourself and for your family. So much love to you all.

The notion of NO infuses so much emotion. Why is so much emotion tied to the answer, “No?” Think about your feelings that spark when you say, “No.” Why do you question yourself when you say it? Why do you feel guilty? Why do you have an explanation after saying it? Why are you thinking about how others view you when you say it? Anxiety sparks inside of me every time I say no. Oftentimes, I am hoping the person is not thinking that I am being mean. Undoubtedly, if I had multiple hands and feet, an abundance of energy and wealth I willingly would say yes all of the time. Maybe not you, but I would. I can recall a few times when I have hesitated about certain responses because I did not want to say no. Honestly, it helps to go ahead and respond so that person won’t think you’re being mean and dodging him/her.When I think about it, saying no liberates me from obligations that would possibly leave me juggling around priorities or doing something I know was within the budget or on the agenda.

For example, if I say yes to a friend who asks me to do something on a particular day that is filled with amass of responsibilities, I may stress throughout the day until I have completed all of the day’s task. Days filled in moderation do not elicit as much stress. You know how you prioritize your day, then add to it and you end up thinking about how relieved you will feel once you have conquered the day. I can recall a time when I had to be home for a delivery, be at an appointment immediately afterwards and accepted the call to help a friend. Now it was not a life or death situation. I could have responded, “No.” However, I said yes. It was a selfless act, I understand that. Undoubtedly, I don’t mind helping, but my point is at some point no has to be an answer and it is ok. Your friendship should not be questioned. You don’t have to allow it to linger in your mind. You do not have to call your friend days later and continue to explain why you said no. It is ok to say no when necessary. Let your no be no and your yes be yes.

A friend of mine always talks about how she helps others. Most days, she does not put herself first. The reaction behind that elicits a relief for the person being helped, but for the one rendering the service not so much. So what are you thinking when someone that you know cares so much about you says, “No?” What is your reaction? Do you negotiate? Do you wonder why the answer is no? Do you figure out another way instantly? Does that make you think twice the next time you ask them for something?

Protect your peace. Do not add stress. You don’t have to always explain because if you do, people will always expect an explanation. If someone wants to know why your answer is no then he/she may ask. I want to be clear, NO is an answer. You can stand firm on no and you don’t have to live with guilt. Do what you’re able and capable of doing. Explain if you feel led to do so. Free your mind. Live humbly. Love intensely. Laugh uncontrollably. So much love to you all.