Be careful how your past hurt may be inflicted upon someone who genuinely loves you. The impact of your hurt may cause stress and fear within someone who wants what is best for you, desires to be near you. If you are not careful, your unhealed wounds will infect those who are near.
This weekend I was mentally bruised by two men. As a result of my tears, there was an abrupt disconnect. What appeared to be abrasive was a reflection of his feelings that he did not want to uncover at that moment. Actually, ever! Hurts me terribly, but as I reflect upon intent and impact, the intent was to protect himself from exposing his vulnerabilities. He did not want me to trigger what is truly deep down inside of him. I will allow him time and space to contact me. The other gentleman felt disrespected because my intent was viewed as malicious rather than a way of escape, a means to diffuse a disgruntlement, but the impact terminated the beginning of a strong friendship. Or was it? The lesson learned is to hear with your heart and not your head. Keep the goal in mind. Identify the value within the relationship. Is it worth salvaging or trashing? Is anything so bad that it can’t be resolved amongst two mature adults who have one common goal, connectivity, chemistry, oneness? Be it due to pure friendship everlasting or exclusivity.
I empathize with him in terms of the effects of being impulsively disconnected. Fault was admitted and an apology was given, but not accepted. It is funny how, mentally, I think I’m taking the necessary steps to prevent issues and things begin to operate smoothly. Suddenly, an explosion sets everything on fire causing destruction to all progress. What I meant to use in order to calm chaos so that the discussion may be better handled once revisited, negated everything that was given within our time spent because of one or two mishaps. That truly does weigh the strength of what was or what was to come. I remember when Cleo I and were at a wedding. The preacher mentioned if a marriage had been tested and tried and the couple remained within holy matrimony that proved the marriage sustainable and definitely title worthy. You know, bragging rights? Intentional friendships, exclusive relationships take desire, forgiveness, patience and understanding. These qualities will maintain any relation in a healthy manner.
What I find to be fascinating is how some of us allow defeat to abort possibilities, progress, potential. The moments spent mattered, but the moments possible will never be. That is ok and it is not ok. It is ok because what and who God has for me is for me. It is not ok because there was a positive and careful intent behind every action that was made lovingly and willingly. It felt good residing in this newness. However short lived, the lessons learned amongst the two circumstances include; some individuals are bruised, broken, safeguarded, and lack proper problem solving skills. Let’s commit to internal healing all 2022, beginning now. It starts with me. I’ve committed to answering my phone all 2022, beginning today, which was a good start.
So much love to you all!