eNOtions.

The notion of NO infuses so much emotion. Why is so much emotion tied to the answer, “No?” Think about your feelings that spark when you say, “No.” Why do you question yourself when you say it? Why do you feel guilty? Why do you have an explanation after saying it? Why are you thinking about how others view you when you say it? Anxiety sparks inside of me every time I say no. Oftentimes, I am hoping the person is not thinking that I am being mean. Undoubtedly, if I had multiple hands and feet, an abundance of energy and wealth I willingly would say yes all of the time. Maybe not you, but I would. I can recall a few times when I have hesitated about certain responses because I did not want to say no. Honestly, it helps to go ahead and respond so that person won’t think you’re being mean and dodging him/her.When I think about it, saying no liberates me from obligations that would possibly leave me juggling around priorities or doing something I know was within the budget or on the agenda.

For example, if I say yes to a friend who asks me to do something on a particular day that is filled with amass of responsibilities, I may stress throughout the day until I have completed all of the day’s task. Days filled in moderation do not elicit as much stress. You know how you prioritize your day, then add to it and you end up thinking about how relieved you will feel once you have conquered the day. I can recall a time when I had to be home for a delivery, be at an appointment immediately afterwards and accepted the call to help a friend. Now it was not a life or death situation. I could have responded, “No.” However, I said yes. It was a selfless act, I understand that. Undoubtedly, I don’t mind helping, but my point is at some point no has to be an answer and it is ok. Your friendship should not be questioned. You don’t have to allow it to linger in your mind. You do not have to call your friend days later and continue to explain why you said no. It is ok to say no when necessary. Let your no be no and your yes be yes.

A friend of mine always talks about how she helps others. Most days, she does not put herself first. The reaction behind that elicits a relief for the person being helped, but for the one rendering the service not so much. So what are you thinking when someone that you know cares so much about you says, “No?” What is your reaction? Do you negotiate? Do you wonder why the answer is no? Do you figure out another way instantly? Does that make you think twice the next time you ask them for something?

Protect your peace. Do not add stress. You don’t have to always explain because if you do, people will always expect an explanation. If someone wants to know why your answer is no then he/she may ask. I want to be clear, NO is an answer. You can stand firm on no and you don’t have to live with guilt. Do what you’re able and capable of doing. Explain if you feel led to do so. Free your mind. Live humbly. Love intensely. Laugh uncontrollably. So much love to you all.